Teenage Heartbreak

So, things for the past little while since my last blog have not been "perfectly okay". This boy broke my heart, and I'll tell you all about it. I'm telling you because there are a lot of cynics out there. Too many non-believing people that think teenage romance is a hoax, that we're not mature enough to "understand" what love is, and that heartbreak is something we can bounce back from. Well it's not. We all experience it in our own ways, but in the end: teenage romance is corrupting yet uplifting.

It changes a person, for something that I'd like to say for the better, but honestly? When you see someone that you were once with, you want God in the clouds to smite them, no matter how much you once loved and cared for them. You see them and try not to make awkward conversation, while trying to suppress memories of the two of you. You grit your teeth and bare a fake smile as if everything is okay and tell yourself you're better without them.

And the uplifting part is when you realize you'll be okay. There are other people out there that care for you, and these are what we call friends. They support us, make us laugh, let us cry, and let us laugh some more when they call your ex a mean/dirty name. You learn from your experience of that horrible relationship and horrendous break-up. You clearly recognize things worked out for the better, and you move on. You can't stop for your life for a person that was in it for only so long. You deserve to be happy too.

There is history between us, as I should let you know ahead of time. We've known each other since we were eleven, and he liked me (or so he said) since he was twelve. A lot happened through out those years including a couple kisses and misses, and a fight, but we were never together. Now at the age of sixteen and a reconcile I realized he was different. Throughout our argument he still had feelings for me and all that time was lost. I decided he was different and we had a chance, I mean how can you go wrong with a guy that's liked you for four years? He never gave up on me, and that's what I valued the most.

Things were going great, then we hit a bump. Then a speed bump. And we came to a rather large hill, and he decided he didn't want to travel over Everest with me. Which really hurt when you realize you're the only one ready to face the challenge, but the thing was, we weren't there yet. So, I try my best to let him know I'm there for him. I say to him I love him, and with every fiber of my being I meant it. "I'm not going anywhere, we'll work on things when they get tough..." and I get nothing. I do everything to convince him we have plenty of time before we graduate and come to the challenges of being apart. Still, el zippo from him. He dumps me (the day after he told me he wouldn't). After a good four hour sob-fest/pity-party I pick myself up and a friend comes over to calm me down. By the end of the weekend, I convince myself, you know what, he's right. Do to his ambition to be in the army (his excuse) I believed he was thinking logically for the both of us. I hate to be alone, and while him training and being overseas, blah blah blah, things wouldn't work out. And if he were to be posted I'd move with him, and I'm not good with not seeing my family since we're close. So, I get it.

Just when I think things are going to be okay, and we talk about it and how we can still manage to stay friends, I slam right into Everest by myself. He's hanging out with a girl, meh, they were friends before, brush it off. All week, they're hanging out, euuugh... Yesterday I hear rumors of how he left me for this girl. I get rumors, I'm a controlled person. I ask him and he says he likes her but then he doesn't (and here I thought it was the females that could never make up their mind?). He never denies it though, no. And today, yet another rumor, he's now kissing this girl. Okay, so I maintain composer and I ask him. And he tells me, yes. Finally a straight answer, although the one I really don't want to hear.

Really, should I care? I mean, it's over. I was over him, I am over him. But why does it still hurt? Should it still hurt?

Was it because he was the only truthful one in the relationship and I just didn't want to believe it? Was it because it hasn't even been a week since he dumped my ass and he's sucking face with another girl? Was it because when he ended it with me it was exactly a week before my birthday, and today when I heard he kissed this other girl and tomorrow is my seventeenth birthday?

I know, I know, he never intentionally meant to hurt me. But damn, you think you know someone... Can all the mean boys that aren't ready for a relationship just have "cooties" with big bold letters written on their forehead or something? It would save so much time and oh so many tears. Don't get me wrong, I know there are girls that aren't either, but I know far more of them that are then fellas.

The truth is, I want him to be happy even after everything that's happened, and that is called heartbreak. And there's also something called karma, it just won't smite him though.

Comments

[Tracy <3]

heyy.. MABTW?

lol. you're an idiot.
haha that made me laugh for a really long time.
somebody never gets laid..

anyways.
Emily, i love you.
you got this girl.

[yourahugefag]

I'm going to smack you.
Haha so is it that you were SO impenetrable to the idea of teenage romance, and your 'mighty man brain' was just too superior to experience such emotion?
Lol or was it simply because no one showed any interest in you, and you're still living in your parents basement?
I think I sort of sympathize for you. Chin up, someone will feel bad enough for you sooner or later to teach your mighty man brain (which is what for a man? the size of a walnut?) what love is :D
Lots of love!

[MABTW]

I may be one of the "cynics" you mention, but that is partly because I believe in nothing but the truth. And let me lay some truth on you toots, teen romance is indeed a hoax. But that is because all romance is in fact a hoax. You are young, and obviously very naive. Your naivete is understandable, partly due to your young age, partly due to being female. Hopefully over the next five or so years, you will grow, mature, and gain wisdom.

You can trust me and my mighty man brain. I never experienced the nonsensical phenomenon of "teen romance" yet I turned out just fine, in some ways better than my peers who did experience it. Your girl brain is deluded by emotion. The truth is that most types of "love" are deceptions invented by a capitalistic society to trick us into irrational consumerism.